Like A Stone

I believe I'm quickly becoming one of the most cynical people ever. That fact scares me to death. I used to be the most optimistic person ever. Nothing could break my undying optimism. Currently, I'm killing every ounce of optimism left inside my body.

I wish I could hit the reset button on my life. Go back a couple of months, when things seemed so different. My life wasn't being held together my cheap duct tape and a prayer. Currently, my life is a perfect example of Murphy's Law. It feels like I can not win for losing. As soon as I think I'm conquering some of the obstacles standing in my way, fifty more fall in my path. It's like this screwed up game of Tetris. I'm trying to find time and a place for everything that's crashing down on me, but I feel like I'm about to reach the edge of the screen. Game Over. 

When I find myself in these frustrating situations, I fall apart. I put up a good fight for a while, but eventually it all catches up to me. My anxiety and depression become almost too much to endure. I can't sleep well. I start criticizing myself and my issues with food resurface. I lose all faith in myself and my abilities. When it rains, it pours. It's like I'm drowning in a puddle, hoping someone will throw me a life preserver; but no one can see me. I bottle things up inside; so no one can hear my cries for help. It's a scary thing to be consumed by your own demons. 

I just wish I had a solution for all of my issues. Or I at least wish I could take a moment to pause and collect myself. But life keeps moving in fast forward and I'm standing still. Sinking. 

Is there any hope; a light at the end of this overwhelming tunnel?

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