Hunger: We all feel it at one point or another. Typically it’s in the form of hunger for food. Sometimes it’s hunger for knowledge. It can be hunger for adventure. It can even be hunger for passion. Right now I have this intense hunger for life. I’m alive, but am I really living?
Lately I’ve been feeling kind of stuck in a rut. I’ve been constantly debating in my head what I want out of life. I’m ready to dig myself out of this hole, and see the light again. Maybe I’ve not even seen the light before; maybe I’ve been living in the dark all along. Regardless, I’m ready to feel illuminated. I believe a few changes need to be made so I can really start living.
The first thing that needs to change is my complete lack of “me time.” I think I want to take up meditation. Now I’m not talking about converting to some ancient religion, and spending hours on end reflecting about my day. I just feel like taking 10 minutes each day, to sit in silence, and clear my head would do some good. I think we all get swept up in our day to day lives and forget to take time to actually appreciate this life. I don’t believe 10 minutes to clear my head, is too much to ask for. I’ll keep you posted on how this affects me, if it does at all.
The second thing that needs to change is my lack of self-identity. I mean, I know I’m Lindsey. I’m a student, I’m a daughter, I’m a sister, and I’m a teenager. The thing I’m not so sure of is who I am once all of the surface material is scraped off. The bare bones of me. I want to find all of my passions, and dreams. Once I find them, I don’t want to stop, I want to live them. I have a bit of a head start on my list of dreams and passions. I dream of traveling the world one day. I know I won’t be able to rest until this dream actually becomes a reality. I think travel, and experiencing other people and cultures, can help a person understand themselves. I feel like we lose our sense of self when we allow ourselves to be disconnected from the rest of the world.
I want to connect with people. I want to learn from the experiences of others. I want to make friends in the unlikeliest places. I want friends that influence my life for the better, and hopefully friends that I can affect and enhance the quality of their lives. I want to open myself up to change. I’m ready to change. I know this static person isn’t me. I feel like there is a dynamic and exciting person inside of me that is dying to come out. I think I’m finally at the right point in my life to let her out.
I know there are other things in my life that need to change, but I feel like if these two things change first, I will be that much better for it. I’ve always felt like in order to love another person we have to love ourselves first. But how can we truly love ourselves if we don’t really know who we are? I truly feel like I’m in love with another person, but I feel like I’m letting this person down in a sense because I can’t show them who I really am. I don’t know who I am. I think love is about being vulnerable, and what’s more vulnerable than exposing one’s true self?
A part of me is nervous that once I find and reveal my true identity, this other person won’t love me anymore. Then I have to stop and reassure myself that we are all worthy of love, and if another person can’t accept who we really are, they aren’t worthy of us. I don’t feel like this will happen in my situation, but I think we all need to be reassured that we are worthy of love, respect, and happiness every once in a while. I’m starving, and these changes are part of my attempt to feel full. Full of life.
So my question for you: What are you hungry for? And How are you going to feel full?
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.