What is it that lets a person know they have found the person they are meant to be with forever? People are constantly saying "you just know" But the hell is it that they know? Is it possible for two people to be perfectly happy together, but they aren't meant to be together? Or what about people that make eachother miserable 99% of the time, but at the end of the day they're perfect for eachother? What makes a couple compatible?
Is it attraction that leads to a lasting relationship? There are millions of attractive people walking around out there, and I'm sure a ton of them are single. Everyone's idea of what's attractive is different. I remember a conversation I had with my sister years ago about what made a guy attractive. She began by describing the perfect physical features a guy could posess to her. I did the same. Sure, tall, dark and handsome might catch my eye more than scrawny, pale, and ginger, but looks only get you so far with me. I've never dated someone based on the way they look (haha trust me, if you could see some of them you'd know I wasn't lying). Everyone probably has a "type" that they are attracted to, but honestly, how many people actually end up with that kind of person?
Then again, attraction can't be based solely on looks. Aside from looks, the first thing I look for in someone is the abilty to hold my interest. I get bored very easily. I have a very unique sense of humor, and if you don't understand it, you can't possibly understand me. I've always had a different take on things. To me, the idea of monogomy sounds an awful lot like monotony. If a person wants to keep me, they have to keep me on the tip of my toes. I hate repetition. One thing I would be horrified with would be falling into a relationship that was too comfortable. I want to be with someone that is up for anything, and wants to challenge me.
When I say challenge me, I mean that in all aspects. I want my ideas to be challenged, make me look at things from a different perspective. I'm very stubborn, so I need someone equally stubborn. Passive attitudes are extremely annoying. I don't want someone that's just going to lay down and roll over. I want someone to butt heads with me, but at the end of the day we still respect eachother. A very attractive quality to me is having an opinon, and not being afraid to voice it. Even if I don't agree with a damn thing you're saying, say it. The fact that you stand behind something so firmly is sexy. I don't want a lap dog that agrees with everything I say.
I'd consider myself a pretty strong, and very independent person, but I don't want to make all the decisions. I can be very indecisive at times. I like it when a guy isn't afraid to take charge sometimes. This doesn't mean I want to be bossed around, but I hate it when a guy wants to let me make all of the decisions so I'm satisfied. Sometimes the most satisfying thing in the world is being able to sit back, and let someone else take the reigns every once in a while.
These are things that are attractive to me, but a person could possess all of these qualities and it still wouldn't mean they were perfect for me. I don't think attraction is the sole key to finding a soulmate. I believe passion is a also a key player. I want someone that is passionate about life. Someone with big dreams, and big ideas. I also believe a healthy amount of passion for eachother is helpful. If you're not sexually attracted to someone how could anything between the two of you last? I believe passion for the world outside, and passion behind drawn curtains have a lot to do with the longevity of a relationship.
I guess my conclusion is that attraction and passion are the two main factors in a lasting relationship. But then again, I believe there is this other unnamed thing. Something you can't put your finger on, but if it's missing you just know. I think it's that feeling at the pits of our stomachs that we all experience at some point or another. It's the thing that a lot of us tend to ignore. Which is why I think there are so many people out there still in relationships that they know wont last. Why stay with someone when you know it's simply not right?
On a much lighter note, when that thing is there you can feel it. Coursing through your veins. Igniting your heart with passion. The embers are constantly burning in that woodstove. You're completely attracted to that other person, and you feel it in every once of your being. When you know, you just know, and when it's wrong, you can feel it.
So my challenge to all of you: Assess the situation you're in right now. Do you know it's right? Or can you feel that something's missing?
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.