I believe I've just ruined what was probably the best thing to ever happen to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think sometimes I have that whole "the grass is always greener. . ." thought. But now that I'm on the otherside, looking back at what I had. I realize I'm an idiot. I get prideful and selfish. I want people all to myself, and when I can't have that, I get angry and throw temper tantrums like a little child. I also let heresay influence my decisions, when I should really just listen to the source. I'm scared I really can't fix this screwup because I've literally lost my superglue. The person that has sworn from the beginning to be by side, and hold me together when I'm broken. They kept up their side of the bargain. Why couldn't I?
I've been sick, and not been able to sleep all night. Now I know what it's like to literally go crazy. The worst part is that I have a feeling this person isn't going to talk to me again. I have so much to say, and apologize for. Now that I've lost this person, I realize that I need them more than they need me. I've always been a broken and scattered person. When we were alone, and things were as they should have been, they were perfect. I always felt safe, secure, and loved. The things I always wanted. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I do know that I'm stupid, and I've really screwed things up for myself. Even if I'm forgiven, I fear that what I've done will never be forgotten. Which means things will never be the same. I'm just in a really dark place right now. I'm scared.
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.