Have you ever had something so perfect, pure, and simple, that you honestly can't figure out what you did to deserve it? Well at the moment, I do. I know I am the luckiest girl in the world. Even though I know I'm lucky, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll lose what is quite possibly the greatest thing I'll ever have. I've had issues with trust, and commitment in the past. I know these issues come from the fact that I've been cheated on before, and I've been in bad relationships with controlling people. After being single for about nine months, I finally gained control of my life again. I vowed I would never lose that again, especially not to a man.
Then I met someone, in the oddest of circumstances. This person completely flipped my world upside down. Everything I thought I knew, went out the window. No matter how hard I fought my feelings, I knew I was falling for this person. The harder I fell, the faster the fear crept in. The countless ways I could screw this up kept playing in my head like a demented movie stuck on repeat. I don't want to lose this. I'm so happy.
I think the happiness scares me as well. I have never been so elated to be with someone. Previous relationships all started out peachy keen, but I quickly lost interest. Now, I'm not only interested, I'm captivated by this other person. I really didn't know that was even possible. Just when I start getting comfortable, the fear creeps back in. I start thinking about things like my age. I'm 19. Is it possible to meet the love of your life so young? Could I stay happy with one person for the rest of my life? Could they stay happy with me? Am I worthy of this? Fear, plain and simple fear. Why does it plague me?
I'm working really hard to lose this fear for good, and just be happy. It's strange, but it is really difficult for me to just let myself be happy. So, here's my question for you: When you start feeling like you're not good enough, what do you do to reassure yourself that You Are worthy, and You Are good enough?
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.