Oh the future. That ominous entity that looms above us all. How many of us are actually prepared to face it? I, for one, am not. I was never one of those kids that wished their childhood away. I enjoyed being a kid. I wanted to stay young as long as possible. I still do. I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I don't want to grow up. But I really don't want to get bitch slapped by reality, so I'm trying to prepare myself for this fast approaching slap in the face. I've been thinking a lot lately about my future plans. Sure, I want to be a writer, but the whole starving artist thing really isn't that appealing. I've been looking for careers that could fund my dream of being a writer, and put food on my dining room table.
The world of print media is has always been really appealing to me. I could easily see myself working for a newspaper or magazine. I would love to have my own column in a newspaper, full blown Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City stuff. I could die happy. But these jobs don't just hand themselves to you, a degree is usually required. But a degree in what exactly? Well I've been thinking really seriously about majoring in Journalism or Media Communications.
My original plan was to major in Creative Writing. I am a natural optimist, so I fought with myself a lot when I was trying to face reality. A degree in this probably wouldn't produce the most job opportunites. With my whole Creative Writing plan, I had decided to go to the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. They have an amazing creative writing program there. Then with Journalism I thought about going to UNC Chapel Hill. Now with Media Communications, I found an amazing colllege in London. It's called Regent's American College London. I've always wanted to study and travel abroad, and I've recently found even more reasons to want to be in London. The campus looks amazing, and it has everything I could ever dream of. Plus, I would think attending a University abroad would look really nice on job applications.
Adulthood is scary, and I'm getting closer and closer by the second. Am I an adult now? What really constitutes as reaching adulthood? Is there a clear line between child and adult? Honestly, I hope I never lose some of my childlike qualities. I don't want to be a little kid, but I never want to grow so old that I forget how to have fun. I'm trying to make some plans for my future, but I also don't want to plan my entire life out. I think a little bit of mystery and spontaneity keeps life worth living. So, my question to you: What are your plans for the future? Do you have any? Or are you just living life one day at a time?
Have you ever had something so perfect, pure, and simple, that you honestly can't figure out what you did to deserve it? Well at the moment, I do. I know I am the luckiest girl in the world. Even though I know I'm lucky, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll lose what is quite possibly the greatest thing I'll ever have. I've had issues with trust, and commitment in the past. I know these issues come from the fact that I've been cheated on before, and I've been in bad relationships with controlling people. After being single for about nine months, I finally gained control of my life again. I vowed I would never lose that again, especially not to a man.
Then I met someone, in the oddest of circumstances. This person completely flipped my world upside down. Everything I thought I knew, went out the window. No matter how hard I fought my feelings, I knew I was falling for this person. The harder I fell, the faster the fear crept in. The countless ways I could screw this up kept playing in my head like a demented movie stuck on repeat. I don't want to lose this. I'm so happy.
I think the happiness scares me as well. I have never been so elated to be with someone. Previous relationships all started out peachy keen, but I quickly lost interest. Now, I'm not only interested, I'm captivated by this other person. I really didn't know that was even possible. Just when I start getting comfortable, the fear creeps back in. I start thinking about things like my age. I'm 19. Is it possible to meet the love of your life so young? Could I stay happy with one person for the rest of my life? Could they stay happy with me? Am I worthy of this? Fear, plain and simple fear. Why does it plague me?
I'm working really hard to lose this fear for good, and just be happy. It's strange, but it is really difficult for me to just let myself be happy. So, here's my question for you: When you start feeling like you're not good enough, what do you do to reassure yourself that You Are worthy, and You Are good enough?
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.