Today is my 21st birthday. This is usually a time of great celebration and copious amounts of intoxication. Not for me. I had final exams all day, and I have been running on empty. I celebrated my milestone birthday by writing a paper and enjoying a slice of cake with my family. I'm okay with that; I have never really wanted to drink or "party hard," that's just not my thing. Honestly, I'm really glad that I spent this birthday doing what I normally do. I feel like if I went out and did the typical 21st birthday thing, the gravity of this new age would not have really sunk in.
I graduate with my Associates in Arts degree tomorrow. This means that I'm already halfway through with my college degree. Wait, what? It does not feel like I should be this far along in my life yet. I think a huge part of me is afraid to grow up. I'm not scared of this big number, I'm scared of the big responsibility that comes along with it. I'm taking a semester off from school in order to find a job, sort out my plans, and to honestly grow up a bit more. I recognize the fact that I'm not fully ready to be on my own. I still need my family and the security they bring as a crutch.
I hope that during this semester off, I find my own two feet and feel stable enough to support myself. When I go off to college in the fall, I want to be self-aware and self-sufficient. I don't want the world to scare or change me. I am going to be focusing all of my attention becoming a true 21 year old young woman.
The word "woman" has always scared and slightly offended me. It seems like a term reserved for people my mother's age. I've always been the petite, cute little girl that's just too adorable to have any real responsibility. I am going to embrace the word woman from now on. To me, a woman has her priorities in order, she doesn't always need the help of others but knows when to accept assistance when she does need it; a woman knows who she is and where she is going in life; a woman is sound mentally, spiritually, and physically. A woman is everything that I have been pretending to be for years, but never actually put enough effort into becoming.
So from this day forward, I am going to put all of my attention into becoming the best me possible. I am going to cut ties with those who have been enabling my lazy and dependent nature, and begin enabling myself. Growing up is a terrifying thing, but I feel prepared to jump into the great abyss and come out the other side standing on my own two feet. I know this transition into adulthood is not going to be easy, but I am committed to transitioning as gracefully as possible. I'm going to document every step and stumble of my journey, so prepare yourselves for a bumpy ride.
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.