Time seems to be growing darker in the world with each passing minute. Unrest is reaching a record high in all areas of the global and local spectrum. With a Malaysian airline allegedly (at this time nothing is confirmed) being shot out of the sky over the Ukraine today, tension is growing. The world seems to be on the brink of a major disaster; at the hands of a few corrupt, power-hungry leaders and militant groups. Corruption is a vein that runs deep in this flawed world. I fear that if this vein is not cut off soon, evil is going to reign over this coming era in our existence.
Clearly, times are changing for a number of reasons and in a number of ways. I believe all instances of unrest are signs of the impending darkness that will befall mankind. The hearts and souls of humanity have strayed from their intended path. There are a few enlightened individuals out there who have remained steadfast on the path, but their numbers seem to be very small. I worry greatly for not only my future, but the future of those who are to come after my time has ceased. If things do make a drastic shift, there really is no future. There is only darkness.
I have been experiencing very turbulent interactions with those who are closest to me as of late. Relationships that were once very steady have grown unpredictable. It feels like the darkness is becoming not only visible, but tangible as well. I have always been very sensitive to emotions, but lately, my reaction to my environment has been very deep. Highs feel very high, and lows feel very low. My body has been picking up on things that my eyes have failed to notice. My sleep patterns have been all over the place. I am experiencing increased occurrences of migraine headaches, body aches, and seemingly random fatigue and bodily discomfort. I hope that in the coming days I am able to draw from these physical experiences and interpret them into clear messages.
I do not want to live in a world of darkness. I desperately hope I can find a way to dispel the negativity that is currently around me and my loved ones. I feel as though accomplishing that could have a domino effect and banish more of the darkness within the world. If not, I would feel better knowing those whom I care about are safe. When I was younger, I always had this terrifying, deep seeded fear of the apocalypse. I really don't know where this fear came from, but it has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I would always try to make myself feel better by telling myself that the end of days was not possible in my lifetime. Or that the idea of an apocalypse was ridiculous, and the stuff of fairy tales. Now my 'irrational' fears feel very plausible.
Living in fear of the future is not a headspace in which I wish to reside. I am trying to keep my focus on the light and on positivity. If we allow fear to take over our thoughts, it can hold power over our entire existence. I am going to remain optimistic that the future will create a space in which darkness is incapable of existing. More individuals will rediscover their intended path and allow humble light to guide them, as opposed to materialistic darkness. I am also going to do as much as I can to educate and spiritually protect myself as well as my loved ones. The more minds that are focused on radiating positivity, the more powerful. The smallest of lights has the power to illuminate even the deepest cracks of darkness. If we are spiritually strong, we can protect our future.
My challenge for you is to send love and light into this world every single day. One spark can start a wildfire. This world is going to burn one way or another, I would prefer that it burns with the fire of millions of illuminated souls.
So much has transpired since my last post. I feel like I am in a completely different place than I was a few months ago, hell, even a month ago. Time is such an underrated force. I don't really even know where to begin with my story. I could talk about the trips to the doctors and therapist. Or I could mention all of the failed dates and failed attempt to rekindle something with my ex. I could tell you all about the troubled relationship with my father, and the stress that accompanies hunting for a job. I could go into elaborate detail about my struggle to make plans for school. There has been a great deal of desire to move out. There were days when I wanted to simply stay in bed. Some days I felt like dying. Some days I felt nothing at all. I could tell you about all of the negative little occurrences that upset my state of being, but what would that truly accomplish? I'm not looking for pity. I'm not even looking for advice, really. Sharing negativity really does nothing except put focus on something that really doesn't deserve a second thought. Darkness does not need bonus rounds of attention. Darkness is always going to accompany light, but if we choose to place our focus on the light, the darkness really holds no power over us.
That might sound profound, or even a little too optimistic, or maybe it sounds ridiculous, I don't know. I do know that I have only very recently caught onto this idea of emphasizing the positive, and truly living for the light. As anyone could tell from reading some of my previous posts, I have lived a life in darkness for a very long time. Depression and anxiety ruled my universe for most of my life. What are these two creatures though, really? Anxiety is fear. Plain and simple. Fear of repeating the past, fear of the future, and fear of the unknown. I am quickly discovering that fear is an absurdly ridiculous emotion to linger on. If we allow fear to govern our lives and our actions, sooner or later, we will no longer act at all, and thus, cease to live. Fear stunts progress. I know this fact all too well, because I have been living in a stagnant place of darkness. Uncertainties paralyzed my every thought and action.
Once I was paralyzed, depression was able to rear its ugly head, and seep into every crack of my fragile existence. Depression is not simply sadness. Depression is a sickness. It corrupts our mind, body, and soul. A sick and immobilized body has no means of growth. For the longest time, I was always so confused as to why I was incapable of moving forward with my life. I was sick. The cure was not going to come from any outside source, though. The idea that therapy sessions, talks of anti-depressants, forcing myself outside of comfort zones in hopes that something would click, and I would snap out of the spiritual coma I was in, was ridiculous. The cure for my ailments was within me all along. The trouble was, it was laying dormant. I needed a nudge to discover it.
The past two months provided me with that nudge. Starting in May, I could feel my soul begin to truly awaken. Now, I believe that the nudge has been coming for about the past year, but I have only recently been fully aware and receptive to it. In May, I began to switch up my diet - eliminate unnatural foods, inflammatory gluten, discomforting dairy. I began working out, for the first time in my life, with the sole focus being on health, as opposed to weight-loss. I started believing in the power of meditation, crystal healing, and introspective soul searching, wholly. Sure, I had dabbled in these areas in the past, but I never completely committed. Essentially, May's focus was entirely upon personal health and healing.
To give this post a neat little bow of summation, I could just say to never give up. Time has a way of working in our favor, if only we allow it. Our focus should always be on the light; the light within and without. Darkness is a fact of this life, but it is never permanent. We are all capable of self healing and happiness. Happiness is not a 'find it and it's there forever' sort of thing, though. Happiness is a choice and it requires a conscious effort to maintain. We must always strive to make ourselves feel happy and loved before we can share that positivity with another. It feels so cliche to say that you must love yourself before you can love another, but it is so very true. My journey towards the light began with a determined shift towards self love, and it continues with maintaining that self-love and sharing it with others. I am just a human, and my struggle with anxiety and depression is going to be a lifelong ordeal. However, I am not afraid. I am equipped with the knowledge that we can all overcome our obstacles by placing our focus on the positive. Peter Pan's fairy dust was on point, happy thoughts truly can lift us into the air.
When life feels bleak and hopeless, look inward for that light that resides within us all. There, we will find the spark that is capable of igniting our soul. Stay strong, my friends, keep your face in the light and the shadows will have no choice but to fall behind you.
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.