 What is love? Ah, the question that has baffled philosophers and high school students for centuries. Every single time I think I have an answer, life throws me a curveball and makes me question everything I believe. I am aware of the fact that there are different kinds of love, I even wrote a post about it at one point, but recognizing the type of love you’ve found seems trickier than I first suspected. I guess my dilemma is that I’m a restless spirit, and I never know when I’ve actually found a person worth holding on to. There are so many sweet, caring guys out there, but that isn’t all I need to be content with someone. Am I selfish for wanting more than sugary sweet compliments and affection? I mean, a relationship shouldn’t be so easy it’s boring, right? Or am I just nuts?
People search high and low for someone who will give them the time of day, and actually want to keep coming back for more. Once they’ve found it though, am I the only person who gets discontented quickly? I guess I just want and need more out someone in a relationship than a barrage of sickeningly sweet tokens of affection. I want to be challenged, provoked, caught off guard, and swept up in a moment that lasts. I’ve been in plenty of relationships, but I’ve never found someone who holds my attention and makes me want more. There are always butterflies in the beginning of a new courtship, but do the butterflies always have to drown in stomach acid and disappear forever, after time passes? Like I said earlier, maybe I’m just selfish, and this post is making me sound like the most ungrateful, bitchy little psycho ever, but I’m simply curious. I never expected love to be black and white, but so far all I’ve seen of it is in grayscale. I know I’m young, and have all the time in the world to fall in love, but isn’t the perfect time to get swept up in something when you’re young? I’d rather experience something intense, passionate, and real when I’m young as opposed to when I’m older. I want to have something to look back on that’s beautiful, raw, and untamed. Not something to look forward to that may or may not ever actually happen. I try to live an optimistic life, but that gets harder and harder when the world you expected to be technicolor is just kind of blah. There has to be someone out there with the same fervor for love and life, someone feeling the same way I am right now. Where are you, though? I believe we may soulmates.
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I have desperately wanted to go get some tattoos for a long time now. I am constantly getting asked why I want a tattoo so badly. There are several reasons, honestly. Firstly, I find tattoos beautiful. I’m not talking about the little hipster triangles, tramp stamps, and ‘YOLO’ script I’ve been seeing on so many people from my generation recently. I mean real tattoos, the ones that someone put more than five seconds of thought into. The tattoos that have a story, and personal meaning behind them; size doesn’t matter when it comes to these tattoos. Personally, I want several small tattoos with big meanings.
This life is not permanent. Everything fades. We’re only on this earth for a short period of time. I love the idea of something that is permanent; something that will be with me for as long as there is flesh upon my bones. I want a little marker of where I am in life; a timeline of my story in symbols upon my body. I want to be able to glance down, or look in a mirror and remember what compelled me to get something permanently under my skin. Tattoos are both tangible and intangible. Sure, flesh can be touched and broken, but the memory and message behind each tattoo is hidden until the wearer wishes to make it known. As a private person, the idea of having little pieces of me exposed to the world in the form of tattoos feels liberating. I want tattoos that will make people wonder, and attempt to figure out the story behind them. I just want to express myself in a new medium, my skin; something I’ve not always been comfortable in, but I’m growing to love it. Maybe I’ve not been comfortable in my skin because I haven’t made it my own. We don’t buy houses and then leave them in the condition the previous owner did. We renovate things, and make our own havens. I want to renovate my body, hang art on the walls, and be who I choose to be; who I was born to be. |
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Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.
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