This isn't going to be a very long post, at least I don't think it will be. I'm just pondering a lot of things right now. Maybe I've seen one too many Disney movies or something lately, but I just wonder what goes on after the Princess and Prince ride off into the sunset. Supposedly they have found true love, so is their relationship constant fireworks? Or does it fizzle, and then they just sort of get comfy with eachother. Then the fiery passion just turns into an ember? Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with embers, but is that all we get? Is there not an eternal flame?
As I've stated numerous times, I'm a closet romantic, so maybe I'm just overthinking things. Or perhaps I've just set love up on a pedestal that it doesn't actually live up to. I love the idea of love, I just wonder if there are different kinds of love. Or maybe there is only one type of love, and it has multiple stages. I just realized I said "love" entirely too many times, so just ignore that. But answer me this: Is true love an eternal flame of fiery passion? Or does that only happen in fairy tales?
So it's almost been a month since I last posted a blog. Clearly this is waaaay too long to go without an update. So I'm updating you all now! I have been very busy lately, even though it's summer. Crazy, right? I've been having lots of fun though. I'm spending lots of time with all the people I love. I've seen my friends and family a lot lately, and it is so wonderful! Even though there has been a lot of happiness in my life, it is so true that you have to take the good with the bad. On May 31, my life was forever changed.
A boy I graduated from high school with, and knew quite well, passed away in a tragic accident. He was in the middle of target practice at a friend of mines house, when the shotgun he was reloading misfired. This ended in a shotgun wound to the chest. He passed away in the hospital shortly after this happened. He was only nineteen.
Death is always a scary thing. In fact, it's always been the one thing I'm truely afraid of. You can throw a spider or snake on me, no problem. But ask me to walk around a cemetary or attend a funeral, and you should expect a fight. I just don't like dealing with the fact that this life has an end. Then once it's over, your body is left to rot in the ground, or your ashes end up sitting on someone's mantel or they're tossed out into oblivion. If you believe in an afterlife, this probably doesn't sound so bad. You can rejoice in the fact that your soul lives on. But me, I believe in an afterlife, and the fact that my soul lives on really doesn't comfort me.
It's like I can't imagine not living. Even though it's an earthly life full of suffering and evil, it's life to me. I don't want to give it up, even if I'm trading in my earthly body for something better. Maybe I'm just being selfish and absurd. Regardless, I still don't like facing my own mortality. Well, I really don't like facing the mortality of people at all. Everytime someone dies, I'm reminded that my days on this earth are numbered.
On one side, this fact makes me appreciate my time and my life more. It's the whole "Live like you're dying" thing. I believe everyone should live each day like it is your very last. But this is always easier said than done, which scares me. I start thinking about things like what if today is my last day on earth? What do I have to show for myself? Was my time on earth wasted? Am I worthless? I want to do so much in this lifetime, for myself and for those around me, but it's like I never really know where or how to start.
They say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. I want my life to be worth watching. I don't want to have feelings of what if? and could have, should have, would have when my time draws to an end. I want to live each day to the fullest. I know I'll fail on many occasions, but on the days when I don't fail, I want to really succeed. I want to make a change in this world for the better. I don't know how I'll do it yet, but I'm determined to do it. I just hope I'm granted enough time on this planet to actually make this change happen.
So I challenge you to: Make your life worth watching, if it really does flash before your eyes, at the end.
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.