After spending some time around my friends and family and being observant, or being a creeper (either way) I've started to wonder what it takes to make people feel loved. I know we're all different, but I just find people's ideas about love completely fascinating. For some people it can be a touch, a look, a saying. It doesn't always take something theatrical for there to be an understood feeling of love between two people.
Some people are cuddlers. I was with one of my bestfriends yesterday, and she said that she hadn't been able to cuddle with anyone in a long time. It obviously made her kind of upset. I am not a cuddler. I've never been a very touchy feely person, so if you can get a hug out of me, you know I care about you. So when she was talking about not being able to cuddle in a long time, I just kind of wrote it off at first. Then I started thinking, maybe for her to feel loved, and comforted, she needs that physical closeness. It makes sense too, I mean you can't get much closer to another person than when you're wrapped up in eachother's arms. My friend, and I'm sure many others, associate a physical connection (not neccesarily a sexual one) with a real feeling of love.
I noticed my parents the other day, and they aren't super physical or touchy feely. They don't hug and kiss all the time or anything, but it's obvious that they love eachother. Even after 20 years of marriage. I began to wonder what it was that made their love for eachother so apparent, even without tons of hugs and kisses. I really think it's the way they communicate with eachother. Clearly they are super comfortable with one another. They can fight like crazy one second, and be cutting up ten minutes later. I don't think fighting is healthy at all, but the way they fight, and the things they fight over are always aimed at trying to help or protect the other person. Then there are the ways in which they cut up with one another. There is so much laughter in my house, I love it. I think all great relationships have a common thread, the ability to make the person you love laugh. I mean, who wants to be stuck with someone that can't make you laugh, and doesn't get your sense of humor? Laughter is the best medicine, and I think it adds to the longevity of a relationship.
They say the eyes are the windows into our souls, and I really believe this. If you ever watch someone when they are around the person they love, you can see a special look in their eyes. A smile from within that exposes itself briefly in their eyes. It's like there is a special look, reserved for that one person that makes them whole. When my Grandpa was still alive, I used to catch him staring at my Grandma. They were the funniest couple ever, they argued all the time. My Grandma could be sitting on the couch, refusing to talk, or even look at my Grandpa, and yet he'd be staring at her with a spark behind his eyes, and a little smirk on his face. It's like he was thinking, "This woman is absolutely crazy, and I'm crazy for her." That is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Now that my Grandpa has passed, I can be with my Grandma looking at old photographs, and she'll see a picture of my Grandpa. There is obvious sadness and longing behind her eyes, but there's also a slight smile on her face. She's obviously looking at the face of the man she loves with all of her being.
After observing everyone around me, and their love induced actions, I started to wonder about myself. What do I do when I'm in love? How do I act? What do I need in order to feel loved, and how do I show love in return? With me, I don't need a physical connection. Sure, it can be nice and wonderful. I just don't HAVE to have it. I love the idea of a sincere look of love. It seems so beautiful and powerful to me. I just don't know if I do it though. I believe the best way for me to give love and feel love is through communication. I like hearing how people feel. I am never good with spoken words, but if I say I love you, I do. I've also noticed, that I have a funny way of showing love. If I pick on someone, or cut up with them, that's my way of saying I love you. I can't take myself seriously, and I always feel awkward trying to be sentimental. So I goof off, and make fun of the people I care about. It's weird, I know, but it's who I am, and what I do. Love is a crazy thing, so I guess it makes sense that I'm totally crazy around the people I love.
So my question for you: How do you act when you're in love? What do you need to feel loved, and how do you show love?
Have you ever had something that you need to get off your chest, but you just absolutely cannot? When you love someone, I really think it should be your mission to let this person know just how important they are to you. It hurts like hell when things go left unsaid between two people. We lose contact and means of communication with certain people for many different reasons. No matter what the reason is, you should strive to fix the miscommunication, or be forced to live with regret forever.
Sometimes an argument drives a wedge between two people, and it seems like that wound will never heal. In an argument, I will fight to the bitter end. But once it's over, I'm ready to forgive and forget. I wish everyone was like this. Grudges don't solve anything. I can't imagine a fight so bad that it separates two people for good. But it happens. It's terrible, and it's real. An argument, to me, should be about getting all of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions out in the open, and dealing with them. Hurting someone you care about should not be the goal or result of an argument. What if those hurtful things were the absolute last things you got to say to a person?
Death is a painful thing, and it hurts even more when you feel like things were left unsaid. I lost my Grandpa to cancer over a year ago. I loved him so much, and we were very close. When he was fighting the cancer towards the end of his life, I was in a relationship. A stupid, and meaningless little high school relationship. I live with regret every day of my life because I chose spending time with my boyfriend over my dying Grandpa. I was so wrapped up in myself and this relationship, that I was blind to what was really important. I thought I was in love with this guy, but I didn't know what love was. Looking back, I now see what love is and was. My Grandpa had lung cancer, and towards the end he lost the ability to speak. The very last, clear words he said to me were "I love you with my whole heart." I know he did, which is why I disgust myself with how little time I spent around him in the end. I think I was afraid of dealing with the fact that I was losing my Grandpa, so I wrapped myself up in this relationship to hide from reality. The reality is that I lost precious time with someone I loved because I was afraid.
I know we're all afraid at one point or another, but life requires us to be strong, and get over our fears. If you truely love someone, you shouldn't waste a second being angry, or afraid to tell them how you feel. Lately I have been struggling with some feelings and confusion. I have been dying to talk to someone that I lost communication with about a month ago. I really love and care about this person, and not speaking to them is really hurting me. We ended all communication in probably the dumbest way ever. I feel like there is so much left to be said, but I can't contact this person. They have made themselves impossible to get in touch with. That fact alone hurts me. At one point we promised to never hurt one another, but it happened. I want to fix it, but I don't know how. I feel very helpless, and afraid that I have really lost this person forever.
Maybe the fact that I can't talk to this person is the universe's way of telling me to move on. Perhaps this is the point in which I'm supposed to be strong, and get over my fears. It's just really hard, and scary. I am truely afraid. I have amazing people in my life, and I feel like these untied ends are holding me back in some way. Maybe they're holding this person back too. I might never know how they feel. It's just, when I said I would be this person's bestfriend, and I wanted them in my life forever, I meant it. It's hard facing the fact that this person might never be in my life again.
In hopes of making sure I'm never faced with another situation in which words are left unsaid, I'm really trying to live my life with an open heart, mind, and mouth. I've been accused of having a big mouth before and not knowing when to keep it shut. But I really don't think I can go on worrying about this anymore. I have tried to hold my tongue long enough. I am a passionate person. Like I said earlier, I will fight to the bitter end. But I will also love with all that I have. I'm willing to fight for love, and fight for the people I love.
I guess the goal of this post is to wake people up. Don't set yourself up to live with regret. Losing someone you love hurts, so if you truely love them, make sure they know how much. Don't let your pride, or your fear get in the way of something beautiful. Cherish the time you have with those you love. You never know when you won't get the chance to let them know how you feel. Then I guess a part of me wrote this post in hopes that some way, somehow, the person I've lost communication with would get to read it. Even if they don't reach out to me, I would feel better knowing that they know how I feel.
So my challenge for you: Don't live with regret, and don't let things go left unsaid. If you care about someone, prove it.
I have uploaded several new poems. Defintely check those out. A few people have asked me how I organize the poems on my page. Up until a few minutes ago, my poetry had always been organized with the most recent poems being at the bottom of the page. I realized this was quite inconvenient, so I reorganized everything. Now my latest poems are now the first thing you'll get to read. Let me know if you like this kind of organization better. Thanks for being patient, and thanks for reading! Be sure to check back reguarly!
Have you ever noticed how some things just seem insanely hard to say? What is it that catches our tongues and makes what is on our mind or on our hearts so difficult to say? Are we afraid of looking like the bad guy? Afraid of rejection? Afraid of revealing our true self? Afraid, is that what we are? Are we all really just big cowards?
I've caught myself holding my tongue on countless occasions. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised being told "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." But who gets the final say on what is "nice" ? And what if the truth isn't nice? Are we expected to lie in order to save someone's feelings? I understand the principle behind wanting to save someone's emotions, but is there a line between being polite, and being a flat out liar?
What about instances in which emotions are involved? Take love for example. It seems like we have been programmed to believe that we have to wait until the most opportune moment, and last possible second before it's acceptable to say. There are so many "rules" and "games" that people play when it comes to love. If you feel it, why can't you just say it? I've seen so many people appologize for saying "I love you" too soon. Too soon? What is there, some love time zone? "Oh it's just past I like you a lot o'clock, time to say I love you!" I understand that it's a huge thing to say, especially when you truely feel it, and you're unsure of how the other person feels. I just wish we'd all stop with the games, and stop second guessing our feelings. If it feels right, say it.
Actually, I wish we'd all stop second guessing ourselves general. If someone asks for your opinion, don't stop to find the most appropriate response for whatever scenario you're in. Say what you feel. If you have an actual reason, belief, or feeling behind what you're saying, the world deserves to hear it. Passion is power. If you say what's on your mind or in your heart, you might get weird looks, or snooty comments, but those facts alone prove you're the bigger person. I try my hardest to listen and respect the opinions and beliefs of others. There is no way in hell that I agree with everyone, but I don't have to agree with what someone is saying to offer up a little respect.
I think a lot of us are actually lacking respect for ourselves when we bite our tongues. If you don't believe in what you're feeling, enough to let it be heard, why should anyone believe in it? If you've got something to say, say it. Words are powerful, embrace that power. Use it to your advantage. We could change the world if we weren't so afraid of letting our voices be heard. So speak up, you never know who might be listening.
So my challenge for you: Say what's on your mind, or on your heart. Let your voice be heard.
I'm going to leave you with a link to my current favorite song. The song is Words I Never Said by Lupe Fiasco. It honestly sums up a lot of what I was thinking and feeling when writing this post. Enjoy! http://youtu.be/22l1sf5JZD0
Life can be super stressful. It can be hard making it through a single day at times. Luckily most of us have someone we can turn to that lets us vent, and say what needs to be said so we can feel better. I have a tendency to hold what I’m feeling inside, and bottle things up. This is super unhealthy, I know. When I bottle things up they eat away at me, and I end up exploding emotionally. I’m kind of scared that I’ll eventually implode from all the stress I put on myself. What I lack in the ability to express how I’m feeling to others, I think I make up for it with the fact that I’m an excellent listener.
I have actually been called the white Oprah. Funny, yes, but also kind of true. I take pride in the fact that I have never told a secret that someone has trusted me with. I am an open book that is always willing to hear what someone else needs to say. I don’t know that I give the most helpful advice, but I always attempt to give the best advice I can. I wouldn’t say that I’ve had the most intense life lessons to learn from, but I do try very hard to learn something from everything that transpires in my life.
I kind of believe I make a good listener because I approach everything from an unbiased perspective. I try to see things from the point-of-view of everyone involved. It can be super easy to takes sides when listening to a story, but I fight that urge with all that I have. It can be hard to open up to people (trust me, I know this well) so I try to be as comforting as I can. Though I’m going to think twice before trying to hug someone that is opening up to me, I attempted to hug a friend once, and it totally freaked her out. But I think that’s just her personality, she’s not very open. Which I clearly understand. It made for a funny moment though.
Even though I don’t open up frequently, I am fortunate enough to have amazing people in my life that are willing to listen if I ever feel the urge to vent. I believe these people know who they are, and I hope they know that I am more than ready and willing to return the favor at any time. Unfortunately everyone isn’t as lucky as I am, with having such a great support system. I really wish there was a way for me to be there for all of those people. Like I said, I don’t offer the best advice out there, but I really do try.
I think it’s important for each and every single one of us to feel supported, and feel like someone is actually listening to us. When things get crazy, it’s the most comforting thing to feel like someone cares. No matter where you are, or what you’re going through, I can assure you, someone cares. I care. I may not know you, but I honestly hope that whatever you’re going through gets better. From experience, I’ve learned that things get better if you give them time. Time really does heal all wounds. So stay strong, and let what you’re feeling out.
So my questions for you: Who do you turn to when you need to vent? What’s your release?
Nationalism: pride for one’s country. Is there a point where nationalism turns into barbarianism and blood lust? In my history class, we have been discussing World War II. Germany was a proud country, and Hitler had a strong sense of nationalism which drew people to him. They were blind to his evil; they only saw a man that wanted what he thought was best for their country.
With the death of Osama bin Laden, there seems to be a strong sense of American pride all around the country today. I was on Facebook when I found out about bin Laden’s death. Everyone’s status seemed to be related to this event. The reactions were varied, everything from “God Bless America” to “Fuck you, Osama!” Then I started to notice another trend in the statuses. There seemed to be a growing amount of hatred behind the words on the screen. I am very glad this evil is no longer on our Earth; however I am not going to celebrate the death of another human being.
What is even more disturbing to me is the fact that people are already trying to turn this into a political issue. I have seen so many things today criticizing President Obama. I am just curious as to whom everyone thinks approved the operation to kill bin Laden in the first place? Without Obama’s consent, and his efforts, the mission would have never taken place. It sickens me that people think they are being true, red-blooded Americans by hating President Obama. Personally I can’t see anything less patriotic than bashing your own president.
I don’t believe you have to agree with Obama politically, but seriously, give him his due support and credit. I also believe the men and women that have been serving overseas all of these years deserve much praise and gratitude. I feel like this act finally gives the war in Afghanistan a bit more validity. I will never be a proponent of war, but I was really starting to worry that all of these soldiers were fighting and dying in vain.
I know the death of bin Laden won’t solve everything, but I hope it eases the minds of Americans to some degree. Terror and panic has seeped into the veins of most Americans. Perhaps this death will help purge us of this intense anxiety that we hold. I think we need to stop living in fear, and live with a little optimism. Even though the opinions of many of my fellow Americans seriously worry me, I still have hope that people will eventually open their eyes and their hearts.
I’m proud of my government and military. I’m not going to bash anyone, or glorify a murder. Things are what they are. I am however going to try and live with hope and optimism for a brighter, less bloodthirsty America.
So my question for you: How do you feel about the death of Osama bin Laden? Would you say that you have a strong sense of nationalism? What are your hopes for the future?
I am fully aware of the fact that I have been a horrible blogger for the past couple of weeks. I plan on posting several new blogs this week. I have updated my "Song of the Day" so there are no gaps. Each day has a song now. I also just posted two new poems. There are a couple of new pictures under the Photos tab as well. Hopefully you'll check back in this week, and enjoy the new blogs I'm planning.
This is my last week of classes before summer. I am thrilled. I have so many amazing people in my life right now, and I can't wait to spend lots of time with them, and soak up the sun. Summer is probably my favorite season. I hate the scorching heat at times, but I love the lazy afternoons, cookouts, warm nights, and seemingly endless icecream summer brings.
I have three exams to worry about, and then it's smooth sailing. So wish me luck on those, and keep checking out my blog. Remember to live each day to the fullest, appreciate every second you're alive, and love without boundaries. Until next time...
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.