 Love. It's one of the first words that we all learn. But do we ever really learn what it means? To me, there are so many different kinds of love. I don't think they can all be defined in conventional ways. We all know the standard kinds of love as defined by the Greeks: Storge is the natural occuring love between children and parents. Phileo is the love that occurs between friends. Eros is known as erotic love; what we typically think of occuring in relationships. The last kind of love is Agape, which is love for God. But can these be the only forms of love? Can love really be defined so simply?
I mean, what is love really? Is it a feeling? An emotional response? Is it strictly science? Is it innate, or learned? Do we all feel love at one point, or does it only happen to a few of us? Can we only fall in love once? Or can we fall in love a limitless number of times? Is there really such a thing as a soul mate? Will these questions ever be answered? I don't know, but I do know these questions have been plaguing me lately. I'm a hopeless romantic by nature, though I try to fight this on a regular basis. I think I fight this as a defense mechanism. If I don't let people get close to me, I can't get hurt. Every single time I try to put this wall up, someone manages to knock it down. Apparently my knees are weaker than I thought. Unfortunately every time this wall has been knocked down I seem to tumble right along with it. It honestly has felt like it's my destiny to be heart broken. Yet once again I find myself letting my walls crumble. I think I've been hurt so many times in the past because I fall before I've really found love. But my problem is I obviously don't know what love really is. Why can't this be an easy thing to define, at least for me. Maybe others don't struggle with this as much. Currently I'm feeling something for sure, but I don't want to slap a label on it for fear of cheapening it, or screwing it up. I know I'm feeling intense happiness, like none before. I can't control my body at times, I honestly catch myself smiling for no reason, and forgetting to breathe. I don't know what to call it, but I like the way it feels. But at the same time, it kind of scares me. I don't enjoy feeling vulnerable, and not being able to control my body and my emotions around this person makes me feel about as vulnerable as a person could feel. It's terrifying, yet this person makes me feel so comfortable. It's very contradictory, I know. I just don't know any other ways to describe what I'm feeling. Since we're on the topic of love, where does the line between friendship and something more get drawn? I've recently experienced something with a girl friend of mine that really has be confused. We've not been friends very long, but we've gotten close very quickly. She recently admitted that she has strong feelings for me that aren't strictly platonic. It's just happened so fast I really can't tell if her feelings are legitimate, or if she's mistaking something else for love. I think she's an amazing girl, and I would say I love her as far as friendships go. I'm just afraid she's misreading our great friendship and love for eachother (phileo) as erotic love (eros). I don't want to lose her as a friend, and I don't want to lead her on or hurt her. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, so the fact that she's a girl doesn't bother me, I just don't feel romantically attracted to her. How can I help her figure out what she's really feeling? Clearly I'm no expert on love if I can't even define it. It's a tricky thing. So my Questions for you: How do you define love? When do you know it's real? How would you handle a situation like the one I'm experiencing with my friend?
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 So you know how I said glue can't fix all problems, I have stumbled upon something so much better than simple glue. This person holds me together in ways I didn't think were possible. Not only do they hold me together, they build me up, and make even the worst days enjoyable. I'm so grateful for this person. I could only try to express how incredible they are, and how incredible they make me feel. I would surely fall short, so I'm not even going to try. I just hope I manage to repay this person for the complete facelift they have given my life.
It's been a while since I've laughed and smiled as much as I have been the past few days. I completely believe in the quote I mentioned in my last post, "Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together." I felt like my world was falling apart around me, and I was spinning out of control. This person somehow manages to stop the spinning, and bring me back to Earth, all while taking me to a completely different level. It's magical stuff, and currently I am happily along for the ride. I just feel so lucky to have found the silver lining in my life. I'm an optimistic person by nature, but here lately I was feeling a bit less than cheery. I've defintely received a shot of adrenaline, and I'm ready to charge full speed ahead at this crazy world I'm living in. I think when the time is right, we all find our silver lining, or our superglue. Timing, in my opinion, is everything. Apparently it's my time to find my little slice of happy once again. I truely hope everyone reading this has already found their little slice of happy, or they're getting super close. Don't give up, sometimes you find things you didn't even know you were looking for. Life is a crazy thing. It's beautiful and completely mad. We only have one shot at it, so aim for the sky. My question for you: Have you found your little slice of happy yet? If so, what is it?  Well I’ve officially discovered glue can’t fix all problems. The cracks in my previous post turned into the Grand Canyon. It was extremely difficult to come to terms with in the beginning, but I just have to keep telling myself this is for the best. Isn’t there a great quote that goes something like “sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together”? I’m just trying to find the silver lining in my situation. I’m surrounded by amazing people that I love and adore. I’m so grateful for the life I have. Sometimes it’s stressful, and crazy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Today was an absolutely wonderful day, it was warm, and I got to spend time with some amazing people. In person, on the phone, and through the wonderful world of Skype. Honestly, I dont know what I would do without my incredible friends. They truely keep me going. This has seriously been the longest week ever. I never thought it would end. It definitely has had its ups and downs. And by ups and downs I mean Mt. Everest, and Ground Zero. But that’s life, isn’t it? If everything was static, life wouldn’t really be worth living. The highs and the lows help us learn how to navigate this crazy thing called life. Without lows, we wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate our highs. I truly believe that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. So in a weird way, I’m thankful for the hardships I’ve had to endure in my life, and the ones that have yet to happen. They’ve shaped me into the person I am today; I’m finally starting to love myself. It’s hell going through all the challenges we face on a daily basis, but we’ve always got to remember to be strong, sit it out, and we’ll survive. Hell isn’t eternal, at least not in this sense. If we believe in ourselves, and look for a little help from our friends, we can overcome anything. So my question to you: What have you overcome? How did you do it? How did it impact your life?  We’ve all heard the saying, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it”. But what happens when you’re unsure if the thing is broken? Have you ever been in a situation where you want something to work so badly, that you become blind to reality? I’m scared I’m starting to find myself in this situation. It’s crazy and kind of unfair how some things start out so perfectly, but over time the perfection starts to wear off, and the cracks begin to show. I’m desperately waiting for someone or something to swoop in with some super glue, so I can put back together what’s falling apart right before my eyes.
While I’m wishing for glue, I also start to wonder if this thing is worth saving. I don’t want to be apathetic, but I’m starting to become that way. Some things are two way streets, and in my situation, I feel like I’m the only one driving. I’m just really confused about this whole thing, and I am wishing and waiting for a sign to let me know what I should do. I’m more than willing to glue this back together, but I need help from the person that’s contributing to the cracks. On top of things falling apart around me, I’ve just been feeling super stressed lately. I’ve been getting really swamped with school work. My responsibilities at home are starting to take a toll on me. I haven’t been sleeping as much as I would like to. I’m still trying really hard to get healthy, and it’s been super hard just finding the time to work out, and meditate. But I’m dedicated to these healthy changes, so even though I’m super stressed now, I really think my hard work will pay off in the long run. I kind of believe my goal of living a healthier life, is one of the reasons I’m starting to reevaluate certain situations. I just want to live the best life I possibly can, and be surrounded by people that have similar goals. We all deserve the very best, and I think sometimes we have to make tough decisions for our own benefit in the long run. Glue can hold things together pretty well, but unless the bigger issue is addressed, whatever you’re gluing together will just continue to crack. So I challenge you to: Address the bigger issue in your life, don’t just rely on glue to fix your problems. And do what’s best for you; don’t worry about the implications, sometimes you have to put yourself and your needs first.  I feel like I have busier than ever this past week. Unfortunately a busy me, equals no new blog posts. I'm definitely trying to manage my time better so I can write more frequently. I feel like I have a ton to say, just not enough time to say it all! I have been making some healthy changes in my life. I'm working out a lot more than I used to, and I'm starting to see physical results, but I'm also noticing other side effects of exercising regularly. I think the increased circulation is improving my skin, and I'm sleeping a lot better at night. I have random bouts of insomnia, so actually sleeping through the night is wonderful!
I've also kept up with daily meditation. Sometimes I sit and meditate, and other times I'll just lay on the floor, flat on my back. The key is not moving. The stillness helps me clear my head. I cannot remember the name of the type of meditation I do (of course I draw a blank while writing this) but the process involves picturing something like a tree, at a distance, and gradually picturing yourself getting closer to the tree. You keep visualizing this journey getting cloer to the tree, you get so close to the tree that you even begin to visualize the atoms in the tree. The idea is that this technique helps us realize that all things all made up of atoms. So I like this idea, because I'm a firm believer that we're all equals. I'm not saying a tree is equivalent to a person, but you get the general idea. I change this meditation type up just a little bit when I'm doing it. I like to notice my surroundings while getting closer to the tree I'm visualizing. So I'll picture wind blowing through my hair, and think of the sound a bee would make while buzzing by. It's super relaxing to me. I'm also trying to eat healthier. Now I have a crazy sweet tooth, so I couldn't give up all sweets to save my life. I also don't believe in depriving ourselves. But I want to be healthy, so I'm trying to cut out some sweets, and make sure I'm eating everything that's bad for me in moderation. I'm trying to eat fewer carbs, and less meat. I absolutely love Boca meat substitutes. I would actually choose the soy chicken and beef over the real thing. I'm definitely trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies into my daily diet as well. Fresh fruits and veggies totally beat canned or frozen every time. Sorry canned corn, I choose the cob. I believe we should all strive to take better care of ourselves. I don't see taking a little extra time out of our days to do something healthy and beneficial as selfish. If anything, you're being completely unselfish. If we make an effort to live healthier lives, we're ensuring ourselves a longer, and more fulfilling stint on this earth. I think we all want to stick around as long as we can to be with our loved ones. So I challenge you to: Make more of an effort when it comes to healthy lifestyle choices. What do you have to lose? Besides a few pounds and maybe a little stress. |
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Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.
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