I feel like I am becoming the queen of putting her foot in her mouth. I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I not only end up hurting myself, I hurt those close to me. I've not had the best of luck in my past, but instead of moving on from the shit, I apparently like to wallow in it. I am a very distrusting person, and I hate it. I am missing out on potentially great opportunities because I've got the chains of my past dragging me down. I'm starting to feel like Marley's ghost in A Christmas Carol. However my chains weren't formed by my evil deeds in life, they belong to the ghosts of my past. Every terrible thing someone has done to me adds a new link to the already heavy chains. I can almost feel the cold metal cutting into my skin, and weighing down on the bone. I need to be liberated from the misdoings of others.
I don't know how to break free of these bonds though. Little things remind me of my past and my guard instantly goes up. How can I learn to trust people again if I can't escape the painful memories? I feel like a hamster on a wheel, constantly running, but never really getting anywhere. I like to put out this persona of being a very thick skinned person, but apparently I'm very transparent. I wear my fears, emotions, and ambitions on my sleeve. In some ways I guess this is a good thing, no one wants to be around a person made of armor. But then again, who wants all of their fears to be broadcast for the world to see? Not I. Especially when my fears are so plentiful and painful. I don't want to be this broken shell of who I was prior to getting hurt. I have a lot to offer, but no one can see beyond my chains of a polluted past.
My Question for you, How do I move on from my past? Is it even possible to move on, or do I just have to learn how to carry the chains?
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.