We're all so good at giving people compliments. Just think about how many you've given just since this morning. Odds are, at least one. But did you give yourself a compliment? Not likely. The lack of self-love, and self-worth out there has become completely disturbing to me. Why is it so easy for us to point out good things about others, but we can't find one thing about ourselves that we love? We're all so beautiful, and unique.
Being different these days is apparently a crime. We all try so hard to fit in, and we ridicule those who are different from ourselves. There are people in this world that not only dislike themselves, they are ashamed of who they are. How can we live in 2011, yet little boys are beaten up in their school bathrooms because someone found out they were gay? We claim to be so progressive, yet we're still living much our lives to fit an outdated standard. Women still make significantly less in the workplace compared to their male counterparts. Gay marriage is still banned in many states, and frowned upon in the states in which it is legal. Bi-racial couples still get smirks and underhanded comments while walking arm and arm down the street. Church groups boycott soldier's funerals with signs that say "God hates Gays." What is wrong with us?
We are a very hypocritical society. We all like to play dress-up, and fake a smile for the world around us, but we're dying on the inside. How can we be living if we hate everyone around us, and we even hate ourselves? I believe we all need to take a good, long look in the mirror. We can change our appearance on the outside, sure. But we can't change what's just under the surface with Botox. We can lie to ourselves, and say everything is okay, but the truth always comes out in the end. If you're ugly on the inside, you're ugly on the outside too.
I see being different, and being proud of who you are, as the most beautiful thing on earth. We are all equals, but being equal doesn't mean we have to fit into any molds. In order to love someone, we need to be able to love ourselves first. I want to start a movement. Every morning we should wake up, look in the mirror, and find one thing about ourselves that is beautiful. Own that beauty, and share it with the world. When someone compliments you, don't shrug it off, say thank you. Then find something beautiful about that person, and share it with them. Start a chain reaction. A chain reaction of love. Love can move mountains, and open minds. If we're going to improve this world we live in, it all has to start with love. Love for ourself, and love for our fellow man (and woman).
So here's my question for you: What is beautiful about you?
Do you ever have one of those days? One that starts out pretty great, and then out of the blue it goes to hell? Well that's how my day went! And it's not even over yet, so there's no telling what other sorts of lovliness will transpire. My life has been completely flipped upside down, thanks to a squirrel. Yep, a squirrel.
It started when I was on my way to a friend's house. A group of my friends were getting together before everyone went back to their respective colleges after spring break. I was excited to see my friends. I turned onto my friend's street, then out of the blue this random squirrel darts right in front of my car. In a split second, my natural reaction was to just pull my car off the side of the road so I could save this idiotic squirrel with a death wish. Well when I went off the side of the road I ran over this pile of rocks, and apparently these rocks went to the Chuck Norris school of Bad-Assery because as soon as I hit them my car made the worst noise ever. When I pulled up to my friend's house I parked, and jumped out of the car praying I didn't mess up anything. What do I find? Both tires on the passenger's side are flat. Not just flat, slashed open. Wonderful.
I called my sister, so she could tell my parents. I knew they would be pissed, I mean it's two tires, not just one, two. So while i'm inside with my friends telling them all about this demonic squirrel my parents are outside trying to change my tires. Oh, while they're out there, guess what they discover? Something is torn up underneath my car. So it's not just two flat tires, it's a whole lot of Lindsey's Screwed. Of course this happens on a Sunday, when no car places are open. To make matters even worse, I don't come from a wealthy family. We pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. Whatever is wrong with my car is going to be expensive. But you see, my car is old, really old. It's not worth putting much money into. So this means I'm probably going to have to get a new car. A new car means Lindsey has to get a job.
I've never had a job, and there are no places really hiring around here. My town is emtpy. The only things residing here are broken dreams and people on food stamps. I understand why I have to get a job, and I've always known I'd have to get one eventually, but I really didn't want to get a job just so I can make a car payment. I need a job so I can put back money for college.
What infuriates me, is the fact that I go to community college because my parents couldn't afford to send me to a university. Any money that is left over from my pell grant goes into my college fund. Which honestly, that's not much money. I not only want to go to college, I NEED to go to college. I want to make something out of myself, and I don't want to be stuck in this lifeless town working at McDonalds or Walmart my entire life. The thing that really drives me crazy though is the fact that there are so many people going to universities right now, blowing their parent's money while partying and cutting class. These people are wasting an education that I would die to be receiving right now.
I've never had much money. I've grown up in the lower middle class my entire life. I'm okay with that. Once I started school though, I started getting mad at my parents because they wouldn't buy me the newest toys, or latest pair of designer jeans that "everyone" was wearing. I didn't get my license until I was 18 because my parents couldn't afford to put me on their insurance. I don't feel like I had a bad childhood though, I know my parents have always done the best they could. I'm probably a better person because I wasn't spoiled rotten like so many people are.
It just makes me sick when I see people throwing away their money on the stupidest things. Or I see people on Welfare, Food Stamps, and Medicaid, driving a nicer car than I am, talking on an Iphone. My family has never had government assistance, and I know there are so many people out there that deserve assistance, that don't get it, because so many others are out there abusing the system. I'm all for government assistance programs, but I do believe they should be monitored much more closely. And it kills me to see the government cutting education spending, yet our military budget is still expanding. An education is our ticket out of poverty, so we're going to make a decent education harder to get? And then complain about so many people being on Welfare? The U.S. government just seems so corrupt, and I don't feel like it has it's priorities in order. So, I'm sorry for my rant, it's just been one of those days.
My questions to you: How do you get through horrible days? And What's your opinion on the current state of the U.S. ?
Oh the future. That ominous entity that looms above us all. How many of us are actually prepared to face it? I, for one, am not. I was never one of those kids that wished their childhood away. I enjoyed being a kid. I wanted to stay young as long as possible. I still do. I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I don't want to grow up. But I really don't want to get bitch slapped by reality, so I'm trying to prepare myself for this fast approaching slap in the face. I've been thinking a lot lately about my future plans. Sure, I want to be a writer, but the whole starving artist thing really isn't that appealing. I've been looking for careers that could fund my dream of being a writer, and put food on my dining room table.
The world of print media is has always been really appealing to me. I could easily see myself working for a newspaper or magazine. I would love to have my own column in a newspaper, full blown Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City stuff. I could die happy. But these jobs don't just hand themselves to you, a degree is usually required. But a degree in what exactly? Well I've been thinking really seriously about majoring in Journalism or Media Communications.
My original plan was to major in Creative Writing. I am a natural optimist, so I fought with myself a lot when I was trying to face reality. A degree in this probably wouldn't produce the most job opportunites. With my whole Creative Writing plan, I had decided to go to the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. They have an amazing creative writing program there. Then with Journalism I thought about going to UNC Chapel Hill. Now with Media Communications, I found an amazing colllege in London. It's called Regent's American College London. I've always wanted to study and travel abroad, and I've recently found even more reasons to want to be in London. The campus looks amazing, and it has everything I could ever dream of. Plus, I would think attending a University abroad would look really nice on job applications.
Adulthood is scary, and I'm getting closer and closer by the second. Am I an adult now? What really constitutes as reaching adulthood? Is there a clear line between child and adult? Honestly, I hope I never lose some of my childlike qualities. I don't want to be a little kid, but I never want to grow so old that I forget how to have fun. I'm trying to make some plans for my future, but I also don't want to plan my entire life out. I think a little bit of mystery and spontaneity keeps life worth living. So, my question to you: What are your plans for the future? Do you have any? Or are you just living life one day at a time?
Have you ever had something so perfect, pure, and simple, that you honestly can't figure out what you did to deserve it? Well at the moment, I do. I know I am the luckiest girl in the world. Even though I know I'm lucky, I'm scared. I'm scared I'll lose what is quite possibly the greatest thing I'll ever have. I've had issues with trust, and commitment in the past. I know these issues come from the fact that I've been cheated on before, and I've been in bad relationships with controlling people. After being single for about nine months, I finally gained control of my life again. I vowed I would never lose that again, especially not to a man.
Then I met someone, in the oddest of circumstances. This person completely flipped my world upside down. Everything I thought I knew, went out the window. No matter how hard I fought my feelings, I knew I was falling for this person. The harder I fell, the faster the fear crept in. The countless ways I could screw this up kept playing in my head like a demented movie stuck on repeat. I don't want to lose this. I'm so happy.
I think the happiness scares me as well. I have never been so elated to be with someone. Previous relationships all started out peachy keen, but I quickly lost interest. Now, I'm not only interested, I'm captivated by this other person. I really didn't know that was even possible. Just when I start getting comfortable, the fear creeps back in. I start thinking about things like my age. I'm 19. Is it possible to meet the love of your life so young? Could I stay happy with one person for the rest of my life? Could they stay happy with me? Am I worthy of this? Fear, plain and simple fear. Why does it plague me?
I'm working really hard to lose this fear for good, and just be happy. It's strange, but it is really difficult for me to just let myself be happy. So, here's my question for you: When you start feeling like you're not good enough, what do you do to reassure yourself that You Are worthy, and You Are good enough?
As my first post, I want to give you little introduction to me. If you read my homepage, you already know I'm a nineteen year old college student. I have lived in the same house in North Carolina my entire life. My town is microscopic, and nothing is here. This town used to be the furniture capital of the world, but all of those jobs got sent overseas. (Don't get me started on how I feel about that. I'm sure it will be addressed sooner or later.) I've always felt like I was destined for more then this little town could give me. I'm currently attending community college to save money so I can transfer to a university and get my bachelors degree. I want to major in journalism or creative writing.
Writing is my passion. I have so much to say, but being the introvert that I am, verbally expressing myself can be difficult. Now I know when some of you see the word "introvert" you're automatically going to think 'Oh, this girl is a shut-in, crazy lady, with no friends' Well I actually have a lot of amazing friends, and I can be the life of any party. I just have trouble discussing serious issues outwardly. That's where my writing comes in. I don't have to bottle my emotions, or bite my tongue. I can bleed onto a page, and release what i'm feeling. It's one of the most euphoric experiences.
I'm going to let you know right off the bat that I don't pay much attention to grammar or spelling. When i'm typing, I'm not thinking about comma splices or subject-verb agreements. If you want to correct my grammar, go right ahead. Knock yourself out!
Since this is my introduction, I figured I'd give you a few facts about your's truely.
1. My bestfriend is my younger sister, Brittney. She is 15,
and wise beyond her years. I would die without her.
2. My favorite color is Green. It always has been.
3. I have a serious sweet tooth, and icecream is my
biggest weakness. I'm craving some just from thinking
4. I love photography. I take pictures all the time. If the
whole writing thing doesn't work out for me, I'm
seriously thinking about being a photographer.
5. Music is a huge part of my life. I cannot go a day without
listening to some kind of music. I don't have a favorite
genre. I listen to the widest range of music. If someone
found my ipod, they would probably assume I'm bipolar.
So there you go, just a little about me. If you want to know more, keep checking out my page. It will be updated regularly. (If I start slacking on my updates, make sure you complain) I have no clue what my next post will be about, so tune in to find out! =)
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.