I'm kind of feeling like a huge slacker at the moment. I haven't posted in a while. I have been slacking not only on here, but in school as well. I'm either the world's best or worst procrastinator, depending on how you look at it. I have been waiting until the last possible second to do all of my homework, and turn in my assignments. Gahh, I've even been waiting until the last possible second to make plans with friends. Why? I have no idea. One would assume making plans with friends would be high up on the priority list, especially for school slackers like me. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk.
I love pretending like I enjoy being Miss Independent all the time, but I think I get lonely quite a lot a bit. I'm starting to wonder if that's the source of this funk I'm in. When I'm in a relationship I tend to pay more attention in school and get my work done early so I can spend time with my significant other. Apparently I need some sort of incentive in order to be productive. I'm not really keen on getting into another relationship any time soon, but I need motivation! I have no idea what that motivation should be or will be though. Writing that and admitting it kind of makes me feel like the biggest loser ever.
Shouldn't I be able to motivate myself? One thing that I've actually been semi able to commit to is working out. I've downloaded a bunch of exercise apps, and I've actually been using them. I know, I'm kind of surprised too. My new found dedication has me a little bit worried though. When I become more focused on my body, my old eating dissorder habits start to creep back in. I feel like relationships not only gave me an incentive to be more focused on school, relationships distracted me from my own insecurities. I don't know if the relationships help because they are usually accompanied by compliments and affection, or the simple fact that the affection confirmed I was good enough as is.
I promise I'm not slipping into some intense world of depression or anything. This revelation just kind of came to me as I began to write. I guess it was like a stream of consciousness type of deal. I have been having plenty of good times along with the bad. I've been spending lots of time with my friends, and I've even been making some new friends. Hopefully these relationships will help me get out of this funk, and I can find a way to motivate myself without needing another boyfriend. Even though I'll probably sound like a broken record, you've got to learn how to love yourself before you can love another person. That is something I am seriously working on each and every single day. Hopefully one of these days I can fully accept my body, and my mind for what they are. I feel like I'm getting closer by the minute.
So my challenge for you: Find a way to motivate yourself, and never stop loving who you are.
Lindsey. Twenty-Five. Currently pursuing a degree in Professional Writing & Film Studies.